“I was the child of a ‘60s divorce,” said Gloria. That was a time when everyone was embarrassed by divorce. “It was a huge secret. I couldn’t tell anyone I didn’t live in the same house. Where we were living was a ‘secret.’ I couldn’t tell anyone anything. I felt like I had done something horribly wrong and my guilt followed me to and from a school like an anchor.”
Fast-forward twenty-five years later. Her daughter’s teacher calls to discuss her child, who is telling everyone she’s spending the weekend with her dad. The teacher gently wants to know about the divorce. “She spends every weekend with her dad because there is no divorce,” Gloria replied. The couple learned their daughter was jealous of the kids who spent the weekend with one or another parent, so she started saying it too.
Gloria now has 5 grandchildren, all with different last names and one or two with as many as four parents The family unit is diverse and strong. And without shame. “I love this family!” she exclaims, “No secrets!”
Embarrassed by Divorce?
Say goodbye to the ‘50s, ‘60s, even the ‘70s, when divorce was a bad thing. No one is buying into being embarrassed by divorce, and you shouldn’t either. Yes, you’ve lost the surety of youth: “We don’t need a prenup because we are forever!” said that earnest young couple embarking on their new life together. Being stigmatized; embarrassed by divorce – especially to the point of sharing shame with your kids – offers no value to anyone.
If you’re feeling embarrassed by divorce, “Consider that you’re divorced exactly because you do value marriage. You do believe in commitment…You do believe in family,” says journalist Tracy Shorn. That’s nothing to be ashamed of. Knowing that a marriage can be all those things – and yours isn’t – is exactly the reason you’re making this lifestyle change.
The Need for Privacy in Divorce
In a litigious, court-based divorce, details about your finances, your business, and/or your personal lives are public record. If you already have concerns about being embarrassed by divorce, you may want to consider a more private option than a traditional courtroom divorce. In a collaborative divorce, your privacy is carefully guarded. Whether it’s to keep the private details of your divorce from an employer, family members, or others in the community, or just to honor your own sense of privacy, collaborative divorce may be a good option for you.
Focus on the Future
Perhaps you’re both embarrassed by divorce and you feel like “losers.” You are exactly the opposite. Choosing a better path for your family sets you up for future success, and divorce is not a process for the weak.
Collaborative divorce is a different, potentially better way to get divorced, especially if you have children. When you and your partner work together to strengthen your family’s future, you’ll focus on mutual respect. You’ll also focus on – and want – a better future for each other as individuals. Being embarrassed by divorce is non-productive. When you want privacy and positive direction, the professionals at Best Legal Choices can offer out-of-courtroom divorce that can save time and money. Contact us with questions.