What to do when you both want to stop your divorce
Written by Craig Cherney

What to do when you both want to stop your divorce

Just because you’ve separated doesn’t mean that divorce is the definite outcome. Couples that are willing to put in the effort can sometimes salvage their relationship. In some cases, addressing and resolving long-term issues can lead to a stronger marriage. Do you know what to do if you both want to stop your divorce?

Whether it was constant fighting, infidelity, or other problems, both spouses must be willing to work (together and individually) to let go of the past. There are many reasons you may be reconsidering your decision. There are crucial steps you have to take to stop your divorce.

Stopping a Divorce in Its Tracks

How many times have you thought to yourself, if only my spouse could see it through my eyes, then they would understand, and it wouldn’t be an issue. The challenge is that people bring their own perspectives, values and beliefs to a relationship. It takes practice and willingness to adapt to find a common middle ground. If your relationship is salvageable and the issues aren’t dangerous, here are some steps you can take to stop your divorce in its tracks:

  • Let go of the “Victim” She cheated on me; how could she do that; she’s a terrible person who hurt me. Or, He never cares about my feelings; why would he start now; he doesn’t ever support me. The first step in reconciliation is letting go of the victim role. Start focusing on the positive aspects of your relationship and build on those. If you truly believe your spouse makes you miserable, then the relationship may be beyond repair. If you find yourself telling everyone you talk to about the downfalls of your spouse, it may be time to proceed with your divorce.
  • Look closely at the negative patterns. Change is difficult if you aren’t sure of your issues. What sets off arguments? What are your chronic complaints? Both parties need to air grievances and feel heard. Both spouses have to be willing to own up to their behaviors. Everyone makes mistakes. If one person is unable to admit their wrongdoings, you may find yourself at an impasse.
  • Schedule time to talk. Sometimes the most difficult part is finding time to sit down and focus on each other. Schedule a time to identify issues that need attention; prioritize them by importance. The key to the conversation is remaining calm and open. If you can work with a marriage and family counselor, even better.
  • Make a plan of action. After you identify your problems, discuss how you can prevent them in the future. For example, if infidelity was the main problem in your marriage, dig in to discover what led to it. Did you feel your spouse was not affectionate or that they didn’t appreciate you? Did they have the opportunity to cheat while traveling for business? Make a plan to avoid the same issues in the future.

Quick Tips

In an ongoing relationship, there are some things you can do continuously to avoid anger, resentment and negativity:

  • Talk about it. Communication is key. Talk respectfully and calmly to each other when you are feeling discontent. Set aside a day and time each week to go through things, especially what’s working and what isn’t.
  • Let go of the past. Stop talking about past issues. If you keep dragging up every little thing someone has done, you can’t ever look at who they are now. In essence, you aren’t allowing them to change. Plus, would you want someone to bring up all of your mistakes?
  • Put yourself in their shoes. Perception is crucial. Try to look at things from your spouse’s perspective, or at least listen to their reasoning.

Contact an Attorney When You’re Ready to Stop Your Divorce

If you want advice on how to stop your divorce, contact the professionals at Best Legal Choices. They can walk you through the steps and answer your questions.