Why disagreeing during divorce makes things worse
Written by Jennifer Moshier

Unresolved disagreements during divorce can make things worse

Divorce doesn’t happen when you’re a happy couple—so chances are you and your spouse are dealing with communication issues, negativity, and strong feelings. In many cases, one party decides to get a divorce, creating feelings of betrayal. This can lead to the desire to disagree with choices made in the divorce process. However, while you may be fueled by emotions of sadness, anger, confusion, and frustration, it’s in your best interest to resolve disagreements during divorce.

Why Should You Resolve Disagreements During Divorce?

When you’re hurt, the tendency is to shut down or disagree. That can take an already painful process and drag it out longer. It can tear a family apart when you are unable to agree and move on, and it often hurts the children. Although there are certain circumstances with high-conflict spouses that will prevent a smoother process, in most cases, both parties should be willing to resolve things as quickly as possible. This allows everyone to move forward and work toward a better future.

What Do People Disagree About During Divorce?

Disagreements during divorce are fairly common. It’s when those disagreements become frequent and prevent the process from moving forward that it become detrimental. There are several things people disagree on, including:

  • Money and assets – Dividing assets, child support, spousal support, real property, and more can become a sore point when working on dividing things between the two parties. If there is a business involved, it may be even more complex. Both spouses should remain neutral and realistic, and look at what each contributed to the marriage, monetary or not.
  • Custody – What happens with the kids can be painful and scary. The key is to keep the children’s best interests in mind when producing a plan.

It’s easy to feel reactive, so find some ways to minimize your negative feelings so you can work on reaching an agreement.

Ways to Stay Calm During Divorce Disagreements

Disagreements during a divorce can be reduced by staying calm. Use different methods until you find what works for you.

  • Have a screener – Emails and texts can be inflammatory. Allow a trusted friend or family member to screen communications and then talk it through with you. When you have someone to support you, it’s much easier to let go of the reactivity.
  • Write, wait, edit, send – It’s best not to send emails and texts right away. Instead, write a draft and put it away for a decent length of time. Look at it again with fresh eyes and edit out anything that sounds sarcastic, blaming, unkind, etc. Reread a final time before hitting send.
  • Keep your disagreements off of social media – broadcasting private business for all to see only increases the conflict.
  • Breathe deeply – If you are feeling angry, sad, frustrated, or scared, breathe in for four counts and breathe out for four counts. Do this ten times to calm down.
  • Set clear intentions for your divorce – It’s easy to let a thought spiral out of control during a divorce. Set clear intentions of who you want to be, how you want to react, and what types of agreements you can live with. Don’t get locked in too firmly to one viewpoint, but be willing to look at things from a larger perspective.
  • Make time for your interests – One way to stay calm is to have moments where the divorce is not on your mind at all. Stay active with friends and hobbies that allow some respite.

Avoid Disagreements During Divorce Using Collaboration

A collaborative process can help resolve disagreements during divorce. By using skilled professionals like the professionals at BestLegalChoices.com, it can be easier to resolve issues, so both parties benefit and your divorce is as compassionate, swift, and pain-free as possible.