Written by Jennifer Moshier

My Spouse Cheated on Me: What Should I Do? Should I Divorce?

Learning that your spouse has cheated on you can be a very painful experience. For many people, it can take months, or even years, to recover after the discovery of the infidelity. Some people never recover from the betrayal and are faced with the decision of whether to try to save their marriage or whether to divorce.

If you’ve tried everything to fix your marriage but you’ve concluded that the relationship is beyond repair, you may feel like getting a divorce might be the only option left. Accepting that your marriage is over can be difficult to deal with. Collaborative divorce is a private, out-of-court process that can provide a path to a peaceful divorce even if you and your spouse are not necessarily in agreement on financial and child-related issues coming into the process.

Can the Marriage Be Saved?

If you just found out your spouse is cheating, but you want to save your marriage, you should consider speaking with a therapist or counselor before you confront your spouse. A counselor can help you process the emotions – anger, sadness, confusion, frustration – so you can approach the conversation with your emotions in check.

If the cheating spouse doesn’t want to remain in the marriage, there may be nothing you can do about it. But if your spouse seems remorseful and is willing to put in the work to stay together, you may be able to save your marriage. Here are some signs you can look for to tell if your spouse is serious or not.

  • Is your spouse sharing the entire truth? It’s not the cheating that causes a divorce in most cases, it’s the “slow drip” of the truth. The only way you can make an informed decision is with full disclosure. Ask your spouse for the full truth and nothing but the truth. Then ask yourself, “can I forgive them?”
  • Is your spouse willing to do whatever you need to feel more secure in the marriage? If your spouse is honestly committed to doing whatever they need to do to get the marriage back on track, they shouldn’t mind a temporary period of increased accountability.

A spouse that’s serious about re-building their marriage should break off contact with the affair partner. Not only that but they should be willing to rededicate himself or herself to the marriage, whether that means spending more time with the family or attending couples counseling.

I Want a Divorce: Does My Spouse Cheating Affect Our Divorce Settlement?

In some “fault” states, adultery is grounds for divorce and the settlement may be affected by proving these grounds. However, Arizona is a “no-fault” divorce state which means that the court doesn’t need evidence of wrongdoing to grant a divorce. With limited exceptions, the division of assets and the award of spousal maintenance is done without regard to marital misconduct.

If your spouse cheats on you and you want a divorce, Contact Best Legal Choices. Speak with one of our professionals to learn about peaceful divorce options, such as collaborative divorce and divorce mediation, so you can get through your divorce and move on with your life. Collaborative divorce in Arizona is a great option for people who want to reduce legal costs associated with litigation, negotiate in a way that benefits everyone involved, and avoid a traditional court setting.


  1. “My Wife Cheated On Me and I Want a Divorce.” Maples Family Law, 17 Jan. 2019, https://www.maplesfamilylaw.com/divorce/my-wife-cheated-on-me-and-i-want-a-divorce/.
  2. Castillo, Amy. “Adultery in Arizona: Does Cheating Affect Alimony?” www.divorcenet.com, Nolo, 16 Dec. 2013, https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/divorce/spousal-support/cheating-spouse-alimony-arizona.htm.
  3. Meyer, Cathy. “9 Thins to Do If Your Wife Is Cheating.” LiveAbout, LiveAbout, 24 Sept. 2017, https://www.liveabout.com/things-to-do-if-your-wife-is-cheating-1102956.

See Also:

Collaborative Divorce is a Peaceful Divorce Option

Divorce litigation can be scary and emotionally draining for you, your spouse, and your children. But it doesn’t have to be that way with collaborative divorce. The collaborative process can result in a less expensive, more efficient, and less harmful outcome for everyone involved. One of the legalfinancial, and communication professionals at Best Legal Choices can help you navigate this difficult time in your life.


The collaborative divorce process is designed to help people who are willing to work together to make an agreement that benefits the family. Resources that help parents communicate effectively during this process can help them model appropriate behavior for their kids. With love and support, children can more effectively deal with their parents’ divorce. Contact a professional at Best Legal Choices if you’re ready to take the first step toward starting your new life.