my husband is miserable in our marriage
Written by Jennifer Moshier

5 Ways a Miserable Husband or Wife Can Avoid a Miserable Divorce

If you feel miserable in your marriage, you should know there is still hope. Even the strongest relationships have their challenges. A good marriage is a work in progress.

Mediation and collaborative divorce are out-of-court options that can help you and your spouse to end your relationship in a way that allows you to focus less on the problems in your marriage and more on your family’s future.

Here are 5 ways a miserable couple can commit to creating a happier marriage and avoid a miserable divorce:

  1. View This as an Opportunity

Marriage can be challenging at times. This difficult time in your marriage may be a chance to grow. The longest lasting relationships involve constant adaptation, negotiation, and commitment. If you are in a misalignment with your partner, be open about your feelings with them. Be sure you are communicating in a healthy way by finding the right time to have the conversation, talking face to face, and being honest about how you feel. Take responsibility for your feelings by using “I” statements rather than using “you” statements that might come across as blame or accusations.

  1. Join a Support Group

Both of you might benefit from being surrounded by other married couples. Seeing other couples committed to working together through their issues might help you to feel more confident about your own path. Whether you meet other couples who seem to be on the brink of divorce or those who seem to have strong, healthy marriages, you’ll see that everyone disagrees sometimes. Every relationship has its issues; it’s up to the two of you to commit to working through them.

  1. Be the Example

Neither of you is perfect and you each probably have a list of things that drive you crazy about each other. Instead of waiting for your spouse to change things that you might not have even told them drive you nuts, consider whether there is anything you can do to set an example. Your personal growth could be the catalyst for growth in the marriage.

  1. Stop Placing Blame

If you feel miserable in your marriage, you might be tempted to blame your spouse. Whether it’s something they do or something they don’t do, it might be easier to point the finger at the problem than to be an active part of the solution. Pointing the finger might cause your spouse to feel defensive, which may then cause them to withdraw. If you can accept that both spouses play a part in marital problems, you may be able to move forward in a productive way.

  1. See a Marriage Counselor

Marriage counseling is a way to share your grievances with your spouse in a safe environment. According to Psychology Today [3], “The good news is that couples counseling as it is currently practiced using Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) is now roughly 75 % effective. This is true according to the American Psychological Association and is based on over 25 years of research. Outcome studies have included couples therapy for high-stress clients such as military couples, veterans with PTSD, parents of chronically ill children, and infertile couples. Results are also positive and substantial across different cultural groups.” Working together as a couple may help you learn to communicate, but spouses are also encouraged to participate in individual therapy to help you work towards your individual goals/needs.

What if it isn’t enough?

If you and your spouse have exhausted your efforts to work things out and are still unhappy, divorce may feel iike the next best option. Even if you felt miserable in your marriage, it doesn’t mean you have to be miserable in your divorce as well. Mediation and collaborative divorce are out-of-court options that can help you and your spouse to end your relationship in a way that allows you to focus less on the problems in your marriage and more on your family’s future.


  1. “10 Ways to Survive (and Thrive) in a Difficult Marriage.” All Pro Dad, 27 July 2017,
  2. “How Can We Communicate Better?”,
  3. “Couples Therapy: Does It Really Work?” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers,

See Also:

Collaborative Divorce Is a Peaceful Divorce Option

Divorce litigation can be scary and emotionally draining for you, your spouse, and your children. But it doesn’t have to be that way with collaborative divorce. The collaborative process can result in a less expensive, more efficient, and less harmful outcome for everyone involved. The legalfinancial, and communication professionals at Best Legal Choices can help you navigate this difficult time in your life.


The collaborative divorce process is designed to help people who are willing to work together to make an agreement that benefits the family. Resources that help parents communicate effectively during this process can help them model appropriate behavior for their kids. With love and support, children can more effectively deal with their parents’ divorce. Contact a professional at Best Legal Choices if you’re ready to take the first step toward starting your new life.