How to talk to him when your husband is unhappy
Written by Michelle Ogborne

How to talk to him when your husband is unhappy

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The simple truth is that it takes two people to make a marriage work. Today, it’s common for both partners to work outside the home. Sometimes, busy with work, life, and kids, you both forget how to communicate the way you once had effectively. Using the right words can make a difference when your husband is unhappy.

Words Can Hurt: When Your Husband is Unhappy in Marriage

If you’re a “happily married woman,” it hurts to discover your husband is unhappy. You feel blindsided when he tells you he’s considering divorce. Before you let your world come crashing down around you, take a step back, and look at the situation through his eyes. You both are responsible for the current situation, so be careful where you direct blame.

  • He feels unappreciated – “The biggest mistake I see women doing in their marriages is showing a lack of admiration and respect for their husbands,” says Megan Weks. “He needs to feel admired.” Your husband will become the man you tell him he is. Your husband may be unhappy if you don’t praise him enough, and too embarrassed to admit it.
  • Marital responsibilities took you both by surprise – Taking on the responsibilities of marriage came come as a shock. Often couples give up when things aren’t as easy as when you were dating.
  • Misunderstanding the reality of marriage – You both thought that wonderful head-over-heels-in-love feeling was what you would feel, every day, for the rest of your life.
  • He thinks he can’t satisfy you – Your mantra is, “If we weren’t so broke, we could…” and you focus on what you want rather than appreciate what you have – yes, he takes it personally. You might not think complaints like that have anything to do with him. If your husband is unhappy, talk more about the good things in your lives.
  • His sense of value has eroded – You may have slipped into the pattern of criticizing him. When you direct, control or worse…blame him because the kids were late to school or he overcooked the vegetables, you are adding to his negative feelings. Eventually, he’ll direct those feelings toward you.
  • Lack of intimacy – When things are going well, and your husband is unhappy, lack of intimacy is often a factor. Regardless of who wants it and who doesn’t, a lack of intimacy will cause the relationship to struggle.
  • You became his mom – You fuss about his messes but still clean up after him, nag him about drinking too much beer and issue constant reminders. This can morph you from wife and lover to “mom,” and that can be a turn-off.
  • You’re the perfect mom – Of course, the kids come first. He needs to feel that you care about him too. Find a balance of love and attention that includes their husband.

Mediation Can Help When a Husband is Unhappy

Perhaps both of you are making communication mistakes. Before you put divorce in motion, consider mediation or communications coaching. If, after giving mediation a chance, you still want to divorce, an Arizona collaborative divorce can save money and time.

A collaborative divorce can save your family relationships. Divorced co-parents can focus on protecting their children together. They can use the communication skills learned in mediation to maintain a relationship that is family-based respectfully.

Contact the professionals at Best Legal Choices for more information. Let’s begin the conversation.