Wood table with a paper "Keep Calm and drink tea" written on paper. Surrounded by cups of tea and herbs.
Written by Michelle Ogborne

How to remain calm during divorce mediation

You don’t have to control your thoughts.
You just have to stop letting them control you.

-Dan Millman

Remaining calm when you’re in the middle of an emotional Cuisinart® is easier said than done. How is it humanly possible to feel fear, anger, angst, guilt, rejection, sorrow, and at the same time . . . hopeful? The longer you let your feelings control you, the longer it will take to corral the negative feelings into something positive.

Divorce Mediation Opens Communications

Let’s face it, if you communicated perfectly with each other, you might not need a divorce. And negative emotions are human; they’re normal. Divorce mediation can involve a coach, who is a third party who advocates for you both; he or she is not on anyone’s “side.”

Making Your Words More Effective

Your coach will help you focus on positive interactions using respectful, results-oriented words. The lessons you learn during divorce mediation will impact how you communicate – and sometimes more importantly – how you respond to your children, family, friends, and co-workers.

Here are six divorce mediation tips you may want to employ:

  1. Compromise. If your focus is on winning every battle, both of you lose. Your kids lose even more. This is a time to be more flexible and more open to new ideas and change. You and your partner are not going to come out of this without losing something, so prioritize and compromise.
  2. During divorce mediation, avoid sentences that begin with, “You always…” or “I can’t believe you . . .” No one always does anything. And once you realize the power they have over you is self-imposed, it will lessen the impact of their words.
  3. Find your support network. It hurts when friends and even family “take sides,” but accept it. You may even discover that support comes from surprising resources and people. In addition to divorce mediation, seek support when you need it. No matter how strong you’ve always been, it’s okay to be needy right now. Your “real” friends understand this.
  4. Focus on staying focused and calm. Every conversation you and your partner have during this time has an edge of emotion. When allowed free reign, those negative feelings can limit your ability to understand each other.
  5. Keep disputes out of the courtroom. There will be disagreements, and sometimes the most trivial things take on exaggerated importance. Rather than a courtroom drama, a neutral location will inspire you to use divorce mediation skills. If you can organize your thoughts and express them carefully, the solution will be easier.
  6. Whenever possible, relax and take care of yourself. Did you know there are often health issues during divorce? Don’t neglect your physical and emotional health by trying to handle everything alone. Stay in touch with your support network and prioritize your physical health; neglecting yourself will make this challenging time even more difficult.

Divorce Mediation and Collaborative Divorce

When you can keep your divorce out of the courtroom, everyone wins. A divorce mediation coach can work with you by themselves or be part of the collaborative divorce process. You want to create a new lifestyle separate from your spouse. But when you have children, you will always be in each other’s lives. That’s a good thing; your kids need you both.

Best Legal Choices encourage collaborative, not litigious divorce. Stressful courtroom time is better spent structuring your new lifestyles. Collaborative divorce can help you navigate this uncharted area with dignity and respect. Contact a Best Legal Choice professional for legal, financial, or communications support.