Fear of Divorce
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Fear of Divorce

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Fear, self-doubt and uncertainty are normal emotions to experience at the end of a relationship; however, for some people, these feelings persist and affect their decision-making moving forward. Not only can fear make its way into your mind after divorce, but it also can also play a major role before and during a divorce.

If you are still married and thinking about getting divorced, you should know that Collaborative Divorce is a more peaceful divorce option. There are many benefits of choosing a collaborative process when you want to promote a healthy and satisfactory separation experience.

Why Do People Have a Fear of Divorce?

When a relationship ends, you may experience fear of the unknown or feelings of abandonment. Where before there was certainty with all the plans you had together for your married life, now there are only unanswered questions and uncharted territory.

Fear and Avoidance

Some people fear divorce because they don’t want to deal with the stress of ending a relationship. Rather than dealing with the negative emotions that are a natural part of divorce, people often use avoidance is a coping mechanism. They ignore the problems in the marriage rather than facing the fear associated with leaving. This type of avoidance is actually a form of self-sabotage, which can prevent you from overcoming the fear and moving forward.

PsychologyToday states, “So how does one overcome avoidance and accomplish his or her goals? Part of the key to understanding your avoidance behavior is to understand how you are influenced by negative reinforcement. You have to catch yourself in the moment, when you are about to avoid an anxiety-invoking situation, and recognize that to avoid the situation would be to negatively reinforce yourself.

Fear and Survival

The fear response is tied to a survival instinct. We are wired for certain responses to fear: fight or flight. There is a third option: freeze. When someone believes their physical or psychological survival is in jeopardy, their instincts might drive them to “freeze” (maintain the status quo) rather than allowing them to seek other options that may be better for their long term prospects.

Fear and Children

Some parents think it’s best if they stay married because it will be better for their children. While their hearts may be in the right place, this mindset disregards the fact that spending time a house filled will tensions, negative emotions, and conflict can be more harmful to children than a divorce.

Fear of Abandonment

Fear of abandonment often stems from childhood trauma or loss. According to VeryWellMind, “People with the fear of abandonment may tend to display compulsive behaviors and thought patterns that affect their relationships, ultimately resulting in the abandonment they dread becoming a reality.

The same article states that actions and behaviors in current relationships are the result of learned concepts and old fears that took place during childhood. Experiencing a sudden abandonment, such as losing a loved one to a tragedy or divorce, may increase the risk of developing this fear.

How Do I Overcome My Fear of Divorce?

Ask questions. Educate Yourself. Learn how the divorce process works. The more you understand the process, the more you will understand what you are facing, and the more confident you will be about facing your fears.

Keep a Clear Mind. Facing your fear of divorce takes energy, clarity, and strength. While you may be tempted to medicate yourself (legally or illegally) to take the edge off, this will not help you face your fears; it will only create larger problems that you will have to deal with down the road.

Admit your Fears and Take Action. Instead of spending all your time stressing and obsessing over things, try taking action. Do something that will help you move past your fears such as participating in counseling, joining a support group or consulting with trusted experts regarding financial and parenting matters.

Dream Big. Instead of thinking about the worst things that could happen in the future, try thinking of what good is to come. If you could start over again and create the life you wanted, what would that life look like? Make that your focus.

Choose the Right Divorce Process. For some people, the idea of leaving their family’s future in the hands of a judge is the scariest part of the process. Believe it or not, many divorces are resolved without involving a judge. Collaborative process is one way to complete a divorce out of court. In most collaborative divorce cases, the spouses work with a neutral financial professional to help gather and interpret information about their assets and debts as well as their income and expenses. A communication specialist will help the spouses to have difficult conversations and to keep the focus on their family’s future. A child specialist can help the children to have a voice in the process. The professional team will help the spouses to focus on solutions that will produce the best outcome for the entire family.

Sources:

  1. Pearce, Dan. “Understanding Fear in Divorce.” Men’s Divorce, 23 May 2019, https://mensdivorce.com/fear/.
  2. Fritscher, Lisa. “Why Some People Experience a Fear of Abandonment.” Verywell Mind, Verywell Mind, 6 May 2019, https://www.verywellmind.com/fear-of-abandonment-2671741.
  3. “Avoidance of Anxiety as Self-Sabotage: How Running Away Can Bite You in the Behind.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/overcoming-self-sabotage/201005/avoidance-anxiety-self-sabotage-how-running-away-can-bite-you.

See Also:

Collaborative Divorce is a Peaceful Divorce Option

Divorce litigation can be scary and emotionally draining for you, your spouse, and your children. But it doesn’t have to be that way with collaborative divorce. The collaborative process can result in a less expensive, more efficient, and less harmful outcome for everyone involved. One of the legalfinancial, and communication professionals at Best Legal Choices can help you navigate this difficult time in your life.

OUR PROFESSIONALS CAN HELP WITH THE COLLABORATIVE PROCESS IN ARIZONA!

Divorce litigation can be scary and emotionally draining for you, your spouse, and your children. But it doesn’t have to be that way with collaborative divorce. The collaborative process can result in a less expensive, more efficient, and less harmful outcome for everyone involved. One of the legalfinancial, and communication professionals at Best Legal Choices can help you navigate this difficult time in your life.