4 ways to deal with a crisis in your marriage
Written by Jennifer Moshier

4 ways to deal with a crisis in your marriage

Date:

Every marriage hits a few bumps in the road. The “bumps” are problems. When a problem seems insurmountable for both of you, it can become a crisis in your marriage.

Lisa and Corey thought they were living their happily-ever-after story. They had a nice home, 2.5 children (two and one on the way) and a terrific dog. Then their oldest child developed a heartbreaking terminal illness. Before they could come to terms with losing her, she was gone.

Their insurance didn’t cover the stack of bills on their desk. The couple felt like they were living in a house of cards. One wrong move, and what little they had left might come crashing down. On top of grieving for their daughter, past-due bills stacked up and tension rose. Their marriage plunged headlong into crisis.

Common Causes of Crisis in Your Marriage

There are several common problems in marriages that can lead to a crisis. These can also be causes of divorce. Some of the problems that can escalate into a full-blown crisis include:

  • Death of a family member
  • Different intimacy needs
  • Extended family pressures
  • Infidelity
  • Money difficulties
  • Parenting differences
  • Poor communication skills

4 Tools to Survive Crisis in Your Marriage

Lisa and Corey were on the brink of divorce. With help from financial neutral and communication coaching professionals, they survived their marriage crisis. They gathered enough strength to help their child cope with the loss of a sibling. They welcomed their newborn into the world with hopeful hearts.

Consider these tools to help survive a crisis in your marriage:

  1. Make a list of issues – What are your disagreements? What are your fears? Write them down then schedule a time to discuss them together.
  2. Make collaborative decisions – Learning to function as a team takes work. It also forces you to stop seeing every problem in terms of a win-lose outcome. When both of you agree on a course of action, you’ve both won.
  3. Remember why you married each other – Not all changes are bad. If your feelings for each other have changed, perhaps it’s time to take a step back and remember the good times. Have you lost respect, love and honor for each other? How do your personalities complement each other as a couple? If you truly want to solve the crisis in your marriage, work on your positive attributes. You may have lost sight of them, but they’re still there.
  4. Focus the fix on YOU – If most of your sentences begin with an accusatory “YOU,” they are likely destructive. Rather than force a defensive dialogue, do a 180 and focus on what you could do differently to make things better.

In addition to these tools, remember to keep your conversations constructive, by eliminating:

  • Accusations
  • Anger
  • Blame
  • Criticism
  • Sarcasm
  • Mean digs
  • Mud-slinging
  • Snide remarks

Strive to use these words at the beginning of sentences:

  • How would you feel about…?
  • I feel…
  • I would like to…
  • My concern is…
  • What do you think about…?

You Have Choices

If you are suffering a crisis in your marriage, Best Legal Choices will help you explore your options. Our legal, financial and communication professionals can help couples find solutions. Sometimes a collaborative divorce is the next step. Contact us to learn more about structuring a new beginning for you and your spouse.